| Author |
Message |
    
Jeffrey Bloomfied
Inspector
Username: Mayerling
Post Number: 164
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 2:06 pm: | 
|
That cold November night of 1930 the drunken derelict thought, "Nearly 42 years, and they still don't know I did them in." He saw the Morris Minor pull up, and the smiling man opened the door. "Name's Alfred Rouse, you look like you can use a lift...." |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1346
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 3:04 pm: |
|
He was tired. All night he'd paced Whitechapel on his eccentric quest, but circumstances had conspired against him. Now it was nearly dawn - and light dawned in his eyes when he saw an ailing, careworn woman standing in Hanbury Street. Seizing his chance, he pounced :
"Madam, have you heard of the Jehovah's Witnesses?"
Robert |
Alan Sharp
Inspector
Username: Ash
Post Number: 188
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 8:41 pm: |
|
Joseph felt the weight of the knife in his hand. "I'll settle you, bitch" he murmured as he reached through the window, "if I can't have you nobody will". The door opened and he stepped inside, feeling the sticky wetness under his feet he turned to the bed and realised that he was too late.
Exactly 55! Yay! |
Brad McGinnis
Detective Sergeant
Username: Brad
Post Number: 65
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 12:49 am: |
|
Its been a fun weekend exercize. I doff my hat to you really good writers of really bad stuff. We have elevated tacky to an art form. Thanks guys!
Brad
|
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1351
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 6:59 am: |
|
"Obviously," announced Abberline, "these crimes were committed by Spring-heeled Jack. Yesterday he leapt out in front of a woman - fortunately he bounced right over her head and landed three miles behind her. Forget sexual inadequacy - we're looking for a man with a sagging sofa."
Robert |
Frank van Oploo
Sergeant
Username: Franko
Post Number: 27
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 8:14 am: |
|
"signed Catch me when
you can
Mishter Lusk"
As he put down his pencil with a satisfied grin, George James Morris reached for the small cardboard box.
|
Christopher T George
Inspector
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 438
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:06 am: |
|
Jack smote,
put down his knife,
picked up his pen.
"Yours truly,"
he wrote. |
Sarah Long
Detective Sergeant
Username: Sarah
Post Number: 86
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:32 am: |
|
Joe closed the door on the bloody mess behind him and sighed. He hadn't wanted fame or notoriorty, he had only wanted one thing. As he felt Mary's heart in his pocket he knew he had finally won. Smiling to himself he faded effortlessly into the busy morning crowd. |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1357
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:39 am: |
|
Back from a night's whoring, Mary Kelly turned the key and walked in.
"Holy Jesus!" she exclaimed. "This is what comes of letting the room to students."
Robert |
Chris Scott
Chief Inspector
Username: Chris
Post Number: 728
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 11:10 am: |
|
Dear Boss
Mary
Ann
Nichols
Annie
Chapman
Long
Elizabeth
Stride .........
Those three were my MANACLES - with the other two the bonds fell from me - now I am free.
Yours truly...
|
Brad McGinnis
Detective Sergeant
Username: Brad
Post Number: 66
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 1:27 pm: |
|
Jack left the church upbeat and exhilerated. In a stirring sermon the minister told the congregation, "There is something good inside of everyone, no matter what their station in life". Jack decided to find out for himself if this was true. |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 574
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 1:51 pm: |
|
They were clearing out the attic of the house they had recently purchased in East Hove.
‘What’s that you’ve found?’ she asked.
‘Just an old register from the police home.’
‘Sling it in the rubbish pile.’
As he returned from the skip he said:
‘Funny old name that…’
‘What name?’ she asked.
‘Cutbush,’ he replied.
|
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1360
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 2:20 pm: |
|
I have transcribed the following item from a foreign newspaper. It illustrates the way news can get distorted when it travels far :
SURREAL KILLER ON LOOSE
The first victim was murdered during a row in Buckinghamshire, the second and third within yards. That makes three in Buckinghamshire. Fourth and fifth : London. Doctors in bloody room. Warren throws in towel. No need - pump outside.
Body in Thames upwards of a month. Face downwards for another month.
Robert |
Natalie Severn
Police Constable
Username: Severn
Post Number: 1
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 3:11 pm: |
|
Hi Robert, I liked the story about Spring heeled Jack.I had a really good laugh-but there is so much comic talent on this site! Natalie |
John V. Omlor
Inspector
Username: Omlor
Post Number: 157
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 4:37 pm: |
|
"Come now, do I look like a killer?" he asked.
--John |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1362
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 4:53 pm: |
|
Thanks Natalie. Yes there are some great posts.
I think probably only the British will understand this one :
With Kelly's heart in his pocket to add to his organ collection, Jack went back up the narrow passageway and stood looking out onto Dorset Street. Which way - left or right?
He thought, "One hundred years from now I bet Anneka Rice won't have all this trouble."
Robert |
John V. Omlor
Inspector
Username: Omlor
Post Number: 158
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 5:28 pm: |
|
Robert and all,
Here's the beginning of one, for the literary crowd:
"Many years later, as he faced the hangman's noose, the Whitechapel Murderer was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover knives."
Or this one:
"riverrrun, past Montague and Mary's, from swerve of bank to bend of Tower, brings us by a commodious viscus of homicidal recirculation back to Whitechapel and environs."
And of course, there's always:
"Call me Jack. Some years ago -- never mind how long precisely -- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me in life, I thought I would walk about the streets a little and see the bloody part of the world."
After all, he did apparently have a "damp, drizzly November" in his soul.
All the best,
--John |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1367
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 6:54 pm: |
|
Hi John
"Something very peculiar happened today. I got up rather late, and when Mavra brought my clean shoes in I asked her what the time was. When she told me it was long past ten I rushed to get dressed."
But I'm playing with fire here!
Robert |
David O'Flaherty
Inspector
Username: Oberlin
Post Number: 189
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 7:03 pm: |
|
SHORT ANSWERS
“Who did it?”
“I don’t know.”
“How many did he kill?”
“Five. Nine. Three. Scores.”
“Was the graffiti—”
“No. Yes.”
“Hmm. The kidney—”
“Nes or yo.”
“Oh! Oh! The letters—!”
“No.”
“No?”
“Come on.”
“Was he seen?”
“All the time.”
“Am I weird for caring?”
“Yeah. But don’t worry about it.”
|
Brad McGinnis
Detective Sergeant
Username: Brad
Post Number: 67
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 7:24 pm: |
|
Little Jack Ripper sat on his kipper,
watching his victims die.
He stuck in his thumby,
pulled out her tummy,
and said "What a good boy am I". |
John V. Omlor
Inspector
Username: Omlor
Post Number: 159
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:54 pm: |
|
Robert,
"Someone must have been telling lies about John Pizer, for without having done anything wrong he was arrested one fine morning."
or, by the same author:
"As Walter Sickert awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a notorious serial killer."
--John |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1374
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 8:47 am: |
|
As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't all there.
He wasn't all there again today,
And Martha Tabram's passed away.
Robert |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1375
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 9:09 am: |
|
Hi John
"Chapter Two
Spitalfields prostitute Kelly woke up rather early and made a 'brring' noise with her lips. She always did this when she woke up, though, if you asked her why, she could not give any good reason. Kelly stretched herself and asked for the small mirror that stood on the table to be brought over to her. She wanted to have a look at a pimple that had made its appearance on her nose the previous evening, but to her extreme astonishment found that instead of a nose there was nothing but an absolutely flat surface!"
Robert
|
Christopher T George
Inspector
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 442
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 11:19 am: |
|
First Jack did hate.
Of his victims, he ate.
Now Jack be late,
the murders abate.
Happy Thanksgiving one and all!   |
Alan Sharp
Inspector
Username: Ash
Post Number: 189
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 5:03 pm: |
|
"Curiouser and curiouser" he exclaimed, as he peered at the woman's uterus. "Let's see what else we can find in Wonderland!"
One-two, one-two and through and through his vorpal blade went snicker-snack! |
