| Author |
Message |
    
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1708
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 8:02 am: | 
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Thanks AP. Yes, my uncle introduced me to the Goons and Tony Hancock, and my father introduced me to Laurel and Hardy.
I once heard a story about an old English music hall comic (sadly I can't remember which one) who had to be placed in an asylum. On arrival he said to one of the attendants :
"Is that clock right?"
"Yes."
"Well, what's it doing in here then?"
Robert |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 654
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 10:05 am: |
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That's the attitude, Robert, I love quick fire humour like that. I remember as a twelve year old standing with my dear father on Jardine Steps in Singapore waiting for our launch, just after recovery from a minor op so I was drugged up on cocaine or something, and I said to him 'I feel like jumping in the water'.
'Jump then!' he roared. |
Suzi Hanney
Detective Sergeant
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 129
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 10:57 am: |
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Wonderful you two!!
Can't beat the humour of the Music Hall or Fathers!!
Robert- will look up who that was and let you know on this thread!!Will Fyffe?? will do some research and let you know!! great line though isn't it!!
AP- h AP py New Year!!!!!!!!!!1
Have a good party!!
Cheers
Suzi
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Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 157
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 1:28 pm: |
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Superb Robert.Hey a big thankyou to both you and AP for making the run up to Christmas and New Year
so hilarious and entertaining!All the Best Natalie. |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1714
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 2:03 pm: |
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Thanks Suzi and Natalie
And now is a suitable time foe me to thank AP, not only for the wonderful poems and stories, but also for starting this thread in the first place and for encouraging my clueless efforts.
Robert |
Suzi Hanney
Detective Sergeant
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 133
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 2:12 pm: |
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Robert-
Not clueless! Thanks and a proverbial Happy New one to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suzi Talk soon...next year!! |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1717
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 2:22 pm: |
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Thanks Suzi. Hope you like the poems wot I will write next year.
Happy New Year everyone.
Robert c/o Ernie Wise. |
Suzi Hanney
Detective Sergeant
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 136
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 2:29 pm: |
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Robert
You're a star!! see you on the Happy New Yr bd!!
Cheers suzi |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 658
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 7:48 am: |
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Aw shucks, Robert, you've made me blush again!
Actually I've had a lot of pride in reading some of the fine work that has been posted on this thread, and I'm sure somewhere down the line many of these truly emotive and sometimes downright hilarious pieces of art will be available in a published form... even if I have to publish them me bloody self! |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1725
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 2:07 pm: |
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You won't want to publish this one, AP!
JACK
Big Ben chimed and Jack thought hard
On the error of his ways.
Saw his venture was ill-starred -
Mutilation never pays.
Though the fire still raged within
With no sign of diminution,
Jacky flung his knife in bin
And made a New Year resolution.
So this anti-hero eponymous
Whene'er he sensed a ripping spree
Went to Mutilators Anonymous,
Made do with a cup of tea.
Thus he slept with tranquil mind
Tucked up every night in bed.
Truest peace at last did find -
Took up poisoning instead.
Robert
|
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 165
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 2:34 pm: |
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Very apt Robert and very enjoyable as always!Natalie. |
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 166
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 2:57 pm: |
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PS Robert-I think it may be wise to leave it at that viz anonymous addiction groups-the mind boggles as one scrolls through-Cutbush and his scissor addiction,Druitt and his deer stalker hats
Barnett and his love addiction Kosminski and -now how would the late Les Dawson have referred to it?....Best Natalie |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1728
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 4:14 pm: |
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Thanks Natalie.
Yes, Les Dawson - if he'd been alive in 1888 he'd probably have bombarded the police with letters trying to pin the crimes on his mother-in-law.
Robert |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 665
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 4:52 pm: |
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I like…
I like the calm before the storm
I wished I died before I was born.
I like the washing peace
of a fine funeral feast.
I like there to be no trace
I like no-one to see my face.
I wished I could finish before I start
And rip the whore completely apart.
I wished I could put them back together
And then stab, slash and sever
Them time after time
Then they would be truly mine.
I like to see the smile on their face
And I like then to replace
A charm upon their heart
To finish before I start.
If I could turn back the hands of time
Each and every tick would be mine.
If I could but peer inside
And in there slip and slide
And come out with some jewel
Then all heaven could I rule.
I like the quiet peace of sudden death
I like to hear the rhapsody of last breathe.
I like to see a trickle go to flow
I like the impact of a final blow.
I like to fit my face
Into a very small place.
And each and every time
When in the mirror I find
That there is nothing left behind.
I put mirror back in place
And find comfort in my own face
For then there is nothing left to replace.
|
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 168
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 5:04 pm: |
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AP the two lines starting "I like the quiet Peace etc are priceless! yes these I could attribute to JtR.
Natalie |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1730
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 5:27 pm: |
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Hi AP
Very fine poem, with a very nice ending.
I was reminded, as I read it, of your comments on another thread, concerning Jack being a low noise murderer of the pattern Calm-Noise-Calm.
The trickle going to flow I thought was extremely effective, as a metaphor for the killer's state of mind, or rather perhaps how he got into that situation.
Robert |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 666
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 5:43 pm: |
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Quite right, Robert.
I had that thread very much in mind when I wrote the poesie, I rushed myself and must try to get the pattern Calm-Noise-Calm better placed.
Trickle to flow summed him up I think.
Thanks to you Natalie as well.
'bout time you continued with your saga? |
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 169
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 01, 2004 - 6:00 pm: |
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Hi AP-yes I had fully intended to but my painting took up my spare time.Also I am considering who to have as my prime suspect and its delaying me a bit.
I am also thinking of painting Mary from the reconstructions on these boards.Although I thought they were beautifully done I think Mary had a squarer jaw.Anyway my apologies.
Natalie.
Ps actually you two are a very hard act to follow.
Natalie. |
AP Wolf
Chief Inspector
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 669
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 2:09 pm: |
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Robert, I hope this one gets the rhythm better.
I like… 2
I like the walk before I run
And the peace before the fun.
I like all my circles to be square
And the quietness before rip and tear.
To pack a lifetime in single point
And rip it apart arm, leg and joint.
I like the gentle touch on nape and neck
Then with spit and blood to wreck
And reek the dull blood of metal smell
To see my blasted soul frozen in hell
For all to see the things I done
But none to see me go or come.
When the door opens I go in quick
And mix them colours fast and thick.
When the door closes I go out slow
But none to see me come or go.
Therein doth time stand perfectly still
And therein is the time I will kill.
To rip every second off that clock
Until the damn hours finally stop
For there in my vast rooms of silence
Is time truly measured in the violence
And then the sands do run out of time
And I like the silence for they are mine.
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Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1741
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 2:50 pm: |
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That's a great one, AP. I liked the whole god-like theme - the sudden and unaccountable action, time standing still, the mystery, the combination of opposites...bravo!
Robert |
Suzi Hanney
Inspector
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 157
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 4:46 pm: |
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AP,Rober,Natalie et al
This is wonderful chaps! Has really cheered me up!
Cheers Suzi |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1743
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 5:02 pm: |
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GOOD HEAVENS!
God and the Devil appeared in the room,
Smoked their cigars and drank in the gloom,
Gazed at the empty shell by the wall -
God felt cold, and put on her shawl.
The Devil warmed his tail by the fire,
And God nearly slipped on the mad bloody mire...
"Job has been here", said the boy with the beard.
"How could I know he would wind up so weird?
O what has happened to perfect faith?
A thousand sores, but I thought he was safe."
The boy with the horns was the boy with the wits,
And declared, "So I win, by these thousand red slits".....
And God said, "Double or quits?"
Robert |
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 171
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 5:03 pm: |
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This is a lovely poem Ap.It has a wonderful sense of lonliness and isolation together with a Caliban like innocence overlaying the bestial urges. |
Natalie Severn
Inspector
Username: Severn
Post Number: 172
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 5:06 pm: |
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Cant keep up with this.Now this is really dark Robert-Splendid stuff!
Natali. |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 1744
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 02, 2004 - 5:11 pm: |
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Thanks Suzi and Natalie.
I wrote that one while listening to Mott the Hoople and Jethro Tull. Not even one cup of tea.
Robert |
