| Author |
Message |
    
Sergeant Charles Eyton
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Saturday, September 10, 2005 - 11:57 pm: | 
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While cleaning my attic the other weekend free from old furniture, pornography and IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS, I stumbled upon something which will finally put an end to all Jack the Ripper theorising as I found the solution.
As I went through the IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS, left there by my grandfather Commisioner Timothy Eyton (who was an incredibly famous member of Scotland Yard who is so well known I'm sure all of you have heard of him and if you haven't you're not a very good Ripperologist and you shouldn't ask because you'll just embarass yourself in front of all the other Ripperologists, and you'll be ostracized and they'll write scathing things about you, so it'd be best if you keep your mouth shut on the subject) who once owned the attic and the rooms under it during the Jack the Ripper enquiry, I found a photo of Jack the Ripper holding a knife and making the first incision into Mary Kelly with a camera I'm assuming he set up himself. (he made the incision with the knife not the camera.)
Rummaging through my ancestors papers I found out his name was Dr Jacobi Ripperage. I am willing to sell the photo for $500,000 (US) to anyone with the credentials of owning that much money. What I want you to do is send that money to:
PO BOX 3978456
New Zealand
And once the money makes it to me I'll send the photo to you. Offers can be made now on this thread. |
Leanne Perry
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Leanne
Post Number: 1848
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 5:45 pm: |
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G'day Charles,
Interesting! The first incision on Mary Kelly was the slice to her throat. Was it possible to set a camera up in those days that could be operated by the photographer using a remote control?
It may still be a valuable photo because it may be a Scotland Yard attempt to recreate the scene.
Your comment calling Ripperologists who haven't heard of Commissioner Tomothy Eyton 'not very good', was a bit cheap, completely unnessessary and I think it spoils your post! People will immediately start trying to prove the photo is a fake!
LEANNE |
Simon Owen
Inspector
Username: Simonowen
Post Number: 265
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:11 pm: |
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You want Patsy Cornwell , shes got lots of money and I'm sure she would be happy to pay you ! |
Chris Phillips
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Cgp100
Post Number: 1398
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:33 pm: |
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Though seriously, is there much to be gained by letting through this stuff from an unregistered poster who has posted blatant hoax messages in the past? (How earnest people were about not being too harsh on him when he was telling us about the Rev. Eustace Blackerby - or was it the Rev. Blackace Eusterby - just in case we missed some genuine revelation about the murderous curate of St Botolph's!)
I'm not sure what the point of this one is - it's neither remotely funny nor remotely convincing. Though I do remember going to quite a bit of trouble to dig out some genealogical details about Abberline once before - only to have the lot binned, when an earlier post in the thread was found to be a hoax (needless to say, a far more convincing hoax than this one).
Shouldn't this drivel go straight into in the Pub Talk section, if it must appear at all? Certainly, far more sensible stuff has been peremptorily shunted off there in the recent past. Or is nobody bothered about the quality of content any more?
Chris Phillips
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Howard Brown
Chief Inspector
Username: Howard
Post Number: 966
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:36 pm: |
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Yo Sarge !
Now I know who took all the mescaline I had left in my blood pressure bottle ! You dunce ! I was saving that for the reading of 'Whores of Perception" by Huxley and Crowley.
Thanks.....thanks a lot !
(Message edited by howard on September 13, 2005) |
AP Wolf
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Apwolf
Post Number: 2516
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:51 pm: |
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I'm prepared right now, Charles, to offer you the princely sum of £12 - that is English pounds sterling - for this valuable piece of arsewipe.
Does your postal address accept American Express?
Too many valleys and hills in NZ.
You need a horizon. |
Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo
Post Number: 108
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 8:44 pm: |
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HEY CHUCKIE !! You are absolutely right,I am not a very good ripperologist. Actually i am a real shitty one,but i do recognize a good deal when i see it, that is why i am upping A.P.s bid to $13.quid or would you trade it for 500 shares of Bre-ex. 
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)
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Howard Brown
Chief Inspector
Username: Howard
Post Number: 967
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 8:57 pm: |
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Ken....
Screw that ! Up it 200 bucks for the 40 hits of primo mesc the guy dropped..If he's still winging out there in Castenada land,maybe he'll get all transcendental and buy a stash of good blotter acid and turn everyone on...You get the merch and we all get to go back to Godhead...
...c'mon ! This strait-straight life is a drag....
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Nicholas Smith
Detective Sergeant
Username: Diddles
Post Number: 108
Registered: 6-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 9:12 am: |
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20 sheep and my brothers air guitar |
Kane Friday
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 6:20 am: |
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Hello,
I find the various responses to Sergeant Charles Eyton's posting,far more bizzare than his actual posting.
The bloke is just having a laugh.
Crikey!lighten up everyone.
I rather think this is a urine extraction in response to
a recent posting boldly claiming "The best clue of all time".
Bring levity to "The Boards?"
How VERY dare you?
Kane |
rodney
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 12:44 am: |
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I read P.Cornwell's non-fiction Jack The Ripper book.She claims JTR killed a boy in Havant,England.I was born there.This makes me a foremost expert on the case. |
Pliny the Much Younger
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 10:06 am: |
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I would like to make a bid on this photo, but I am pondering the whole issue as to whether this stuff should be posted in Pub Talk or not at all. It is a pretty silly (and obvious) hoax, someone having us on. Just think, if we could ban it there would be more room scathing personal attacks, pontificating, or just any other post that might lead us to the truth behind such burning issues as "Is the Maybrick toilet paper genuine" and "So what's the deal with Walter Sickert's John Thomas?"
Of course, we could just ignore the bleeding' obvious and chock 'em up to the price one pays for free speech, open forums, the kind of pesky nuisances that thinking people put up with while indulging there right to think. Who is to say what constitutes a joke - some would and have argued that anything Maybrick, Sickert, or Royal Conspiracy is a joke and some have suggested burying the topics. If we don't tolerate stupid ideas we might start burying good ones.
If someone does decide to appoint a Director of Casebook Security, I'd like to apply for the job...as long as I get a really cool badge and the right to take myself way too seriously.
By the way, our current Security Alert level is Gainsborough Blue (in honour of the man with the perforated Willy.) |
Anne Law Student,
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 6:29 pm: |
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Nice one. Might visit this site more often! |
Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo
Post Number: 109
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, September 15, 2005 - 10:52 am: |
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Hello Kane and All, --- " crickey!lighten up everyone". The responses to the Sarges post are full of levity and good for a laugh, as is the original. Sergeant Charles Eyton ??? that isnt by chance a nom de plume for Kane Friday or visa-versa ????? "Gizmo"
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)
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c.d.
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Thursday, September 15, 2005 - 12:47 pm: |
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Charles Eyton or Charleton, methinks the joke is.
c.d. |
Nick Eddowes
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 2:31 pm: |
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Just been Googling about ( as you do ) & came across you lot . SO my Question-Zs to all you ripperoligists IS.WHO DID IT ? Is there a 100% certanty and has he got any relatives !! |
Sergeant Charles Eyton
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Saturday, September 17, 2005 - 7:29 pm: |
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Thank you, thank you everybody, your contributions have been excellent. If you enjoyed this hoax then I suggest searching for the many others I've posted on this website. Good for a giggle and they only cost a pound to enter, what an age we live in.
But seriously I haven't seen any money appearing in my PO BOX, come on people I don't make up lies for the sake of my health.
And Chris Phillips, maybe you're not remotely funny, ay? How does that feel? Stings a little doesn't it? |
Baron von Zipper
Detective Sergeant
Username: Baron
Post Number: 56
Registered: 9-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 17, 2005 - 8:41 pm: |
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Nick,
There isn't even a 1% certainty.
Cheers
Mike the Mauler
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Chris Phillips
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Cgp100
Post Number: 1423
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, September 17, 2005 - 8:53 pm: |
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Sgt Charlatan
And Chris Phillips, maybe you're not remotely funny, ay?
A special mention! Thanks for making my day ...
Chris Phillips
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Sergeant Charles Eyton
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Saturday, September 24, 2005 - 3:35 am: |
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That's quite alright Mr Phillips, I know I'm your hero. |
