| Author |
Message |
    
Olivier P.M.G. Donni
Police Constable
Username: Olivier
Post Number: 3
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 7:41 am: | 
|
I like this one:
"I have decided to be happy because it is good for health" (voltaire)
Or if you prefer in French:
"J'ai décidé d'être heureux car c'est bon pour la santé" |
Monty
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Monty
Post Number: 1445
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 10:49 am: |
|
"Every Englishman is entitled to a cup of tea.
Its in the Magna Carta or sumfink "
Grandad Trotter.
Fear. Fear attracts the fearful. The strong. The weak. The innocent. The corrupt. Fear. Fear is my ally.
|
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 3667
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 5:17 pm: |
|
What about Magna Carta? Did she die in vain?
(Tony Hancock as a juryman)
Robert |
Christopher T George
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 1198
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 5:16 am: |
|
David O'Flaherty, as a pipesmoker, and our British contingent will appreciate this one--
"There's nothing a pipesmoker enjoys more than a good shag." 
Robert, thanks for contributing the Tony Hancock line. A great British comedian who died all too soon. 
Christopher T. George
North American Editor
Ripperologist
http://www.ripperologist.info
|
John Ruffels
Inspector
Username: Johnr
Post Number: 312
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 6:14 am: |
|
Here's another by "Anonymous"-well, at least, I don't know who said it. But I like it anyway:-
"There are three kinds of people in this World;
those who can count and those who can't!". |
Lindsey Millar
Detective Sergeant
Username: Lindsey
Post Number: 94
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 10:39 am: |
|
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
---------Terry Pratchett
Lyn  |
David O'Flaherty
Chief Inspector
Username: Oberlin
Post Number: 612
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 11:13 am: |
|
Chris, I don't get it. 
Here's someone who apparently got hold of some exceptional shag:
"When all is said and done, love is trite compared with the spirituality of a tobacco pipe"-Jules de Gancourt.
Cheers,
Dave
|
Lindsey Millar
Detective Sergeant
Username: Lindsey
Post Number: 97
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 1:12 pm: |
|
'You who are on the road, must have a code that you can live by. And so, become yourself, because the past, is just a good-bye.'
No idea who to attribute this to, but thought the words kinda fitting to what I'm currently going through.. (long and boring story - but if you want to know PM me or Suz for details)
Rather cryptically, I guess,
Lyn |
Christopher T George
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 1200
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 7:30 pm: |
|
Hi David
Are you serious that you didn't get it when I said a pipesmoker enjoys nothing more than a good shag?
If you didn't here's another clue... When Austin Powers talks about having a jolly good shag he is not referring to what he smoked in his meerschaum. 
All my best
Chris
Christopher T. George
North American Editor
Ripperologist
http://www.ripperologist.info
|
David O'Flaherty
Chief Inspector
Username: Oberlin
Post Number: 613
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 7:55 pm: |
|
Hi Chris,
(Slaps head) No wonder the British were so offended when I asked to share in their shag! I wondered why I was told to leave the country.
I was only playing dumb before, my friend. I know all about that grown-up stuff from movies, books, rumors and such. (heh-heh)
Cheers,
Dave
Terrified by storks |
Nina Thomas
Inspector
Username: Nina
Post Number: 166
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 11:55 pm: |
|
Chris and Dave,
You two!  Thanks for a much needed laugh.
Nina |
Christopher T George
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 1205
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 8:08 am: |
|
Hi Nina and Dave
Super shagadelic baby! 
Chris
Christopher T. George
North American Editor
Ripperologist
http://www.ripperologist.info
|
Legion
Inspector
Username: Crix0r
Post Number: 354
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 10:12 am: |
|
Anything by Pete Schweaty
"Do whatever you want to them ladies, my balls are here for your pleasure." - Pete Schweaty
Legion
"Our name is legion, for we are many"
|
Christopher T George
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 1208
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 10:51 am: |
|
Which brings to mind just for the bibliophiles here. 
Cat in My Pajamas by Claude Balls 
Christopher T. George
North American Editor
Ripperologist
http://www.ripperologist.info
|
Suzi Hanney
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 1656
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, December 18, 2004 - 5:18 pm: |
|
Chris
At the risk of quoting Oscar and making Lyn laugh.....
'The fact is that men should never try to dictate to women.they never know how to do it,they always say something particularly foolish'
The Importance of Being Earnest
And...This again from Oscar cannot be ignored.............
'I choose my friends for their good looks,my acqaintances for their good characters and my enemies for their good intellects.A man(!) cannot be too careful in the choice of their enemies'
Suzi |
Lindsey Millar
Detective Sergeant
Username: Lindsey
Post Number: 106
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, December 18, 2004 - 7:11 pm: |
|
Chris,
If you don't get some clothes on, on the other thread you won't have anything to be Claud. Words of advice from a nurse 
Luv,
Lyn |
Nina Thomas
Inspector
Username: Nina
Post Number: 173
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, December 19, 2004 - 8:23 pm: |
|
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
--Rita Mae Brown
At this time of year I'm finding it difficult to decide! 
Nina  |
Natalie Severn
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Severn
Post Number: 1361
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, January 01, 2005 - 11:54 am: |
|
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursel as ithers see us:
It wad frae mony a blunder free us,
an" foolish notion
-------------------------------------
For auld lang syne,my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We"ll tak a cup o" kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
Robert Burns1759-1796
Happy New Year Everyone!
Natalie |
Lindsey Millar
Inspector
Username: Lindsey
Post Number: 162
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, January 02, 2005 - 4:00 pm: |
|
When one door closes, another one opens but it can be bloody uncomfortable in the corridor..
Anon
Happy New Year, Nats!
Lyn |
Christopher T George
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Chrisg
Post Number: 1268
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, January 02, 2005 - 4:33 pm: |
|
Happy New Year, Lyn, Suzie, Nina and Natalie
Here's a site with comic monologues on it that might keep you amused--
http://www.monologues.co.uk/index.htm
Included are such gems as
The Lion and Albert
by Marriott Edgar
There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh-air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A grand little lad was their Albert
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
'E'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.
They didn't think much to the ocean
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small
There was no wrecks... nobody drownded
'Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.
So, seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they'd lions and tigers and cam-els
And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of his face to the bars.
Now Albert had heard about lions
How they were ferocious and wild
And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well... it didn't seem right to the child.
So straight 'way the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took 'is stick with the'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear!
You could see that the lion didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
And swallowed the little lad... whole!
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said, "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
And Mother said "Eeh, I am vexed!"
So Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Quite rightly, when all's said and done
Complained to the Animal Keeper
That the lion had eaten their son.
The keeper was quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure that it's your lad he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"
So the manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "What's to do?"
Pa said, "Yon lion's 'eaten our Albert
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."
Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in!"
The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
And said, "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"
But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
So that were decided upon.
Round they went to the Police Station
In front of a Magistrate chap
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.
The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
That no-one was really to blame
He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"
Christopher T. George
North American Editor
Ripperologist
http://www.ripperologist.info
|
Natalie Severn
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Severn
Post Number: 1376
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, January 02, 2005 - 5:56 pm: |
|
Thanks Chris.I enjoyed that a lot!Last time I heard that was when one of my Grandmother"s recited it to me when I was about eight years Old!-loved it then too!
Nats |
Robert Charles Linford
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Robert
Post Number: 3746
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Monday, January 03, 2005 - 11:51 am: |
|
When one door closes, another one opens. It's called bad carpentry. 
Robert |
Nina Thomas
Inspector
Username: Nina
Post Number: 212
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 03, 2005 - 9:07 pm: |
|
Hi Chris,
I like Natalie enjoyed that only I had never heard it before. I'm going to read it to my grandchildren. Thanks and have a Happy New Year!
Nina  |
Lindsey Millar
Inspector
Username: Lindsey
Post Number: 174
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 03, 2005 - 11:38 pm: |
|
Chris,
I've read this before, but thanks for reminding me!
Luv,
Lyn |
Suzi Hanney
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 1781
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 04, 2005 - 3:52 pm: |
|
OOOOOOOOh GOD Dont remind me.......... Albert and the Lion!!!!! What is about the demon drink that makes it impossible to get beyond verse 10!!!!! I hang my head in what passes for shame and am doing my line learning for Brighton(Oh God are you!) before Brighton brings on another serious  
Suzi |
John Ruffels
Inspector
Username: Johnr
Post Number: 322
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 05, 2005 - 6:15 am: |
|
Loved the Albert and 'is 'orses 'ead 'andled walking stick. "The finest that Woolworths could sell" indeed!
Here's another quote from Anonymous Or at least
the author is to me):
"Get a reputation as an early riser, and you can sleep in till lunchtime". |
Suzi Hanney
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Suzi
Post Number: 1794
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 07, 2005 - 5:28 pm: |
|
On 'is 'orse wiv 'is 'awk on 'is 'hand is also in prep
As is 'Albert Comes Back' the follow up to said Albert and the Lion!
Also ' Three 'appence a foot'
Oh God stop me now!!!!!
John....Love that! story of my life!
Suzi |
Caroline Anne Morris
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Caz
Post Number: 1400
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Monday, January 10, 2005 - 4:10 am: |
|
Hi Chris,
Many thanks for posting that - it brought back very happy memories of my dad reciting it for me.
A nice short one he used to recite was:
Algy met a bear,
The bear met Algy.
The bear grew bulgy,
The bulge was Algy.
Love to all,
Caz
X |
Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo
Post Number: 73
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, January 30, 2005 - 12:28 am: |
|
" When your up to your arse in alligators, it is inmaterial WHO put them in the swimming pool." Talk about swimming pools, why just last week the Manager of the resort i was staying at, asked me to leave. When i asked him what the problem was, he replied that i was peeing in the swimming pool. "So what" i said "everyone pees in the swimming pool". His reply was "that may be so sir but you were doing it from the high diving board!!!"  "Gizmo"
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)
|
Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo
Post Number: 74
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, January 30, 2005 - 12:56 am: |
|
ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE.  A man was visiting a local art gallery one day and was drawn to one small isolated work. He stared at it for quite some time, for something in the painting was just not right. The painting was that of just a plain red door. "That is strange" the man said aloud "but the artist has neglected to sign his work and has forgotten to paint a knob on the door" It was then that a very deep but soft voice emanated from a source so close yet so far. "MY creations do not need a signature my son, and what you are looking at, is a picture of the door leading into the human heart. Unfortunately, what most people do not know and only realize when it is too late, is, THAT DOOR CAN ONLY BE OPENED FROM THE INSIDE " "Gizmo"
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)
|
Natalie Severn
Assistant Commissioner
Username: Severn
Post Number: 1555
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, January 30, 2005 - 10:51 am: |
|
Good to see you back on the boards Ken.  |
Ken Proctor
Detective Sergeant
Username: Gizmo
Post Number: 75
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 31, 2005 - 12:10 pm: |
|
Back on the boards ????? Havn"t been anywhere. Only problem i have with the boards is that it takes me 15 min to type this much. Anyway thanks for the welcome Nats.
"Hey Rookie----You were good" (Field Of Dreams)
|
John Ruffels
Inspector
Username: Johnr
Post Number: 337
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 01, 2005 - 5:42 am: |
|
Yeh,
If only I had time I'd cut & paste the lyrics to two important British songs from the 1960's.
RIGHT SAID FRED( THE CUP OF TEA SONG) and LITTLE WHITE BULL.
Somebody would probably say what about "Not Too Long.."? |
